Category Archives: Niki Deutsch

Not by Sight

by: Niki Deutsch

“I’ve done every devotional, been every place emotional
Try to hear a new Word from God – I think it’s very odd
That while I attempt to help myself my bible sits upon the shelf
With every promise I could ever need.”  ~Sara Groves, lyrics to The Word

 

Like a pilot relies on his panel of instruments during a flight – I need the Word of God.

 

It’s so easy to take only what I see or hear in front of me as the truth and rely upon that alone to judge a situation or my position with God.  More often than not, this way of living can send me into in an emotional and spiritual tailspin, nearly crashing to the ground.

But, when I read the Word of God, whatever situation I’m in seems to change.  Well, not really.  The situation rarely ever changes.  But, what does change is my “vision” or scope.

I can see more clearly Who is in control and where I stand with Him.  I am reminded by the Word what my exact position is – like the pilot.

I know there are times for the pilot of an airplane where the instruments don’t seem to match what he sees – at all.  It feels right to move the airplane into one direction, but the panel of instruments very clearly reveals that to do this would jeopardize the plane and the pilot.

Sometimes I read things that speak against my current action or belief – or attitude…ugh.  Those moments can be really uncomfortable.  I don’t like what I’m reading and don’t want to change, but I know it’s the Truth.  I know it’s best to just trust the Word and adjust my life to the truth – to go lower or higher – to level my wings a bit – even if it doesn’t seem to make sense in the natural – in the flesh.  But to thrive and survive, I need my thoughts and actions to be based on the Truth.  Not on what others are doing or believing – not based on my own perceptions or feelings, but all movements based on the Words given to us from the God who doesn’t lie.

 

Numbers 23:19  God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent.  Has He said, and will He not do?  Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?    

PSALM 33:4   For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.

 

PSALM 32:8  I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you

 

Sometimes just reading who God is, is enough to set my heart right…to help me trust the Word.  To help me trust the instrument that carries the Truth about who my neighbor is…or who my enemy truly is…or what real wisdom is.

Like the pilot, I need to study the instruments constantly while flying through life.  Constantly immerse myself in truth – to know right, to act right, and to be in relationship with my Savior God.

 

II CORINTHIANS 5:7  For we live by faith, not by sight.

Sara Groves – The Word

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Return to My First Love

By Niki Deutsch

Many months ago, I woke up early in the morning when it was still dark. (I really feel the need to boast right now: yes it was on purpose and yes, you should clap for me…I was quite please with myself.) For my morning reading, I read chapter four titled: “Profile of the Lukewarm” (in a book I highly recommend) called Crazy Love, by Francis Chan.

What I read that day troubled me so much, that I spent the rest of the morning with my mind racing and trying to reason it all out (whatever happened to meditating peacefully in the morning before the day started?)  While frying bacon and eggs – shuffling my kids through breakfast, dressing, chores and out the door to school – I was troubled.  The things I’d read taken from God’s Word pointed to one thing:  I might be lukewarm.  I might be guilty of only putting in my time, but not living by faith.  But I want so much more!

Early in my husband’s and my love relationship, as we sat at the kitchen table in my apartment, we literally felt something like oil pouring down over the tops of our heads.  God’s love for us and our love for each other was tangible.  We knew at that moment that God approved of our relationship.  It was good!

While dating and during our engagement, much of what we did, we did out of love for each other.  In our separate lives, our thoughts were constantly on each other.  We dressed for each other.  We planned our days around each other.  We were motivated to be somewhere if the other was going to be there.  In our eyes, any other great thing in our lives either paled next to our love for each other, or was enhanced because of it.  Our eyes were fixed on one another.

As members of the Church, we call Jesus the Lover of our souls.  We are called the Bride of Christ and He is the Bridegroom.  We are getting ready for the wedding banquet and eternity with Him.  Our eyes are to be fixed on Christ.  If He is somewhere…we want to be there as well.  We know that everything pales compared to Him.  So, I’m wondering: in my life of “nice, Christian activities, beliefs, and Sunday worship” – does He know I love Him?  Does He know me?

When I was about twenty-four, I used to think about Him all the time.  I remember sitting at work, writing His name and His qualities on paper during downtime.  I was enthralled by His power, His righteousness, and His love for me.  Everything about Him was good and beautiful, and I was motivated by His love.  I’d think about Him during the day, and at random moments.  I forsook the things from my past that hindered my relationship with Him.  I was changed – and chose things differently so I could please Him.

In 16 years, what happened?

John Piper, a pastor and author in Minnesota writes in his book, Hunger For God: “The weakness of our hunger for God is not because he is unsavory, but because we keep ourselves stuffed with “other things.”

And,

 “The greatest adversary of love to God is not his enemies but his gifts. And the most deadly appetites are not for the poison of evil, but for the simple pleasures of earth. For when these replace an appetite for God himself, the idolatry is scarcely recognizable, and almost incurable.”

Jesus said some people hear the word of God, and a desire for God is awakened in their hearts. But then, “as they go on theirway they are choked with worries and riches and pleasures of this life” (Luke 8:14).

In another place he said, “The desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful” (Mark 4:19).

“The pleasures of this life” and “the desires for other things”—these are not evil in themselves. These are not vices. These are gifts of God. They are your basic meat and potatoes and coffee and gardening and reading and decorating and traveling and investing and TV-watching and Internet-surfing and shopping and exercising and collecting and talking. And all of them can become deadly substitutes for God.”

I think, in all of the blessings given to me – true love for Christ can sometimes become lost.  I’m distracted and overwhelmed with the unimportant, “important” things in life.  I’ve got too much stuff.  I live the life of too muchMy stomach and my pleasure and my comfort have become like gods to me, whether I meant it to, or not.

This is not to say I don’t worship Him, or that I don’t desire His presence, but…so many other things interrupt or occupy.  So many other things turn my head from hearing from the Holy Spirit and doing.  When is the last time I heard the Holy Spirit and obeyed His prompting?

I would like to refocus my eyes.  I wonder what would happen in my heart and life (and in the lives of my husband and children) if I chose to begin this Christmas season with a truly focused passion for Jesus?  Or, if I began (again) to view and live every day and every moment and occasion in His Love?  And, then…what would happen if I continued past Christmas and into the New Year?  This all sounds too lofty for me.

But, maybe, one day at a time…?

 

 

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The Great Divorce: 11 & 12

By: Niki Deutsch

OH the things we need to wrestle with – some are obvious to us and not to others; some are obvious to others and not to us!  Lewis really captures how in our lives, some sins are hidden “gods” that started out as good things – and how other sins are blatantly wrong to begin with and we simply chose to disobey outright.  Both can become strongholds and both must be dealt with.  And, then there is love…in chapter 12.  How do I summarize two brilliant chapters?

Chapter 11:

There are two distinct responses to sin in this story.  One is better.  Here goes…

Sometimes we cannot see our sin – or refuse to acknowledge it:

First we meet the ghostly woman, “Pam”, who on earth was quite intense about her natural love for her son – to the point where some drastic measure had to be taken (his death) in the hopes of steering her love toward Someone else.

Feeling quite pious (and offended that her “love” wasn’t honored here), she defended her “love” for her son as “the highest and holiest feeling in human nature.”  I loved the bright person’s response: “Pam, Pam – no natural feelings are high or low, holy or unholy, in themselves.  They are all holy when God’s hand is on the rein.  They all go bad when they set up on their own and make themselves into false gods.” 

In our reading, we never know if she finally admits the Truth, nor do we know if there is even the smallest deposit of God in her.  But we do have Lewis explain how some things that start out as natural affections can turn into good and holy affection – or not.  And, Lewis goes further than natural mother-love.  Many good things in our lives can turn into destructive things (if it turns away from God):

“Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him.  And the higher and mightier it is in the natural order, the more demonic it will be if it rebels.  It’s not out of bad mice or bad fleas you make demons, but out of bad archangels.  The false religion of lust is baser than the false religion of mother-love or patriotism or art: but lust is less likely to be made into a religion.”

Sometimes we are well aware of our sin – have admitted to it, but to rid ourselves of it feels like death:

And so Jack then moved onto another very important lesson and comparison – the necessity of absolute destruction and removal of the more obvious, baser sins in our lives.  And what a reward for letting God destroy the things that are trying to destroy us!

We meet the ghost man who was struggling with some form of a baser sin.  He carried the personification of that sin – a demon, if you will – on his shoulder and it’s influence revealed itself in the ghost’s dingy looking composition.  The very presence of such a creature in the edge of heaven was terribly embarrassing to the man, for he was well aware that it should not be with him at all.  The very ugly, crimson reptile whispered vile things into the man’s mind through out the entire process of ridding himself of the creature.

At the beginning, an Angel of Burning Light asks of the whispering reptile, “Would you like me to make him quiet?”

“Of course I would,” said the Ghost.    “Then I will kill him,” said the Angel.

Oh, what a struggle the ghost man has – he doesn’t want to go through the pain to be free.  His death seems certain!  Have you ever been in this place where, to kill this sin (whatever that sin may be), is like the death of you?

At one point in this discussion, the Angel says, “There is no other day.  All days are present now.”  And, “this moment contains all moments”.  Translation: NOW is the time for action – do not delay.

Finally, after the man struggles to put the necessary killing off for a while, with the reptile whispering lies throughout, the dear Ghost eventually gives the go ahead to the burning angel.  Kill it.  The man was heard whimpering at the end: “God help me! God help me!”  And God did help him!  He was transformed into be a new, glorious free man – and the dead lizard became his glorious stallion.  Wouldn’t that be just like God?  Not only can he transform our lives, but also the sin.  Can it get any better than that.

5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

The man certainly was renewed.  Like Lewis pondered at the end of this chapter, I wonder, too, what the mother’s transformation would have been like, had she humbled herself, admitted her sin or lack, and asked God for help?

Chapter 12:

I long to love others in such a way that they love their friends and family better!  What did you think of this lady and her grand procession as she goes to talk to the pitiful and selfish dwarf ghost (and his tall Tragedian on a chain)?  I admired her life on earth, the way she loved.  Her love and joy in heaven were fierce, weren’t they?  I’m still wondering what this little man and his pet man are all about…

* ** *** * ** ***

There are so many perspectives on both chapters…please share what you saw in them! If you need a spring board, here’s a few:  What good thing have we made into a false-religion that could separate us from God? Is there anything that we need to let God destroy in our lives right now, while there is still time? Or, rather, have you had a similar experience with this kind of Godly intervention that you can share?  And finally…who/what are the little man and his chained “friend”?

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The Great Divorce: Chapters 1 & 2: Jack Gets On the Bus

By Niki Deutsch

Greetings, Friend! 

Right now completelydevoted.org is reading “The Great Divorce” by C.S. Lewis and participating in an online book club!  If you haven’t read this book, may I recommend doing so with us?

 

“The Great Divorce” by C. S. Lewis 

Chapters 1-2

Jack gets on the bus.  Who is Jack?  In the story, the main character never does refer to his name, so, in honor of C.S. Lewis, who was called “Jack” by those closest to him, we have so dubbed him!

What did you think of the first few chapters?  The first time I read the story, it took me a little bit of time to get my bearings and realize that he was in a “transitional place” of sorts.  In the opening of the story, C. S. Lewis has laid out before us a land of grey, shadow and loneliness, where time “seemed to have paused on that dismal moment when only a few shops have lit up and it is not yet dark enough for their windows to look cheering.”   The first chapter mentions Jack’s attempts to find something better than the dingy and dreary, but he never quite finds it – until he reaches the line for the bus.   Finally, there were people.

To open up the post for sharing our observations, I have two questions for you:

1. What was your main impression of these two chapters?

2. What part either, a. had the greatest impact while reading or b. entertained you the mostand why?

Here are my thoughts:

1. My first and main impression was – what a miserable place and the people in line (and on the bus and the whole situation) really felt kind of icky.  It felt like being around someone who doesn’t know how to use a tissue – you don’t want to be rude, but you don’t want to be next to them either.  Pretty sure I would have been observing quietly like Jack, but with my own disgusted thoughts about how irritated I was by their obvious pride and selfishness.  All the portrayals of the different forms of pride either made me laugh or cringe, especially when I’d catch a glimpse of an expression of pride that resembled me, or someone I know!

2.  After the conversation with a passenger about “safety in numbers” and the approaching darkness and the lack of protection in an imaginary house when “they” come (“Who are ‘They’?”) – the bus begins to climb up to a brighter atmosphere.  Jack looks around at everyone’s face and expression and sees them in full light, hardly able to bear it.  He describes their “fixed faces, full not of possibilities, but of impossibilities, some gaunt, some bloated…all, in one way or another, distorted and faded…Then – there was a mirror on the end wall of the bus – I caught sight of my own.  And still the light grew.” 

He never tells us what he saw when he looked at his own reflection in the mirror – but we know, don’t we?  We’ve all probably had a mirror held up to us at one time or another.

I have more things to say about it, but I think I’ll leave the rest up to you!  Next week: chapters 3 and 4 and in the meantime, five words –

And still the light grew…”

 

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Often unseen, except by God

By Niki Deutsch

Recently I was reading a book that mentioned a man by the name of Wilson“Snowflake” Bentley.  If you don’t know (as I didn’t, until only a few years ago) Snowflake Bentley was the man behind the phrase, “No two snowflakes are alike.”   He was the first person to take a picture of a single snowflake.  He painstakingly photographed over 5000 snowflakes with his special camera and discovered that no two snowflakes were alike. 

Now, I can’t remember at all why the author of the book I was reading mentioned Mr. Bentley.  I was simply going along, reading the book and Snowflake Bentley was mentioned.   Suddenly, whoosh!  I was no longer reading the page but off on another mental rabbit trail… off thinking about snowflakes. 

And God. 

And our short lives. 

And what it all means.

This man, Snowflake Bentley, a believer or not – I do not know - was captured and enthralled by the beauty of a single snowflake.  Even if Mr. Bentley never acknowledged his Creator while gazing at the wonderfully designed crystals, God was still glorified – if only by the snowflakes themselves.  As a part of the earth’s water cycle, they were created to fall, pile up, and eventually melt to sustain the earth – rarely to be seen individually.  And God made them beautiful in the process. 

Under the microscope, I found that snowflakes were miracles of beauty; and it seemed a shame that this beauty should not be seen and appreciated by others. Every crystal was a masterpiece of design and no one design was ever repeated. When a snowflake melted, that design was forever lost. Just that much beauty was gone, without leaving any record behind. ~ Snowflake Bentley

This photo is Mr. Snowflake Bentley, bent over his special camera trying to quickly capture the beauty of the snowflake before it melted:

But, as I look at the photograph and marvel at a man who spent his entire life loving snowflakes, in my mind’s eye a scene unfolds where I see sprawling landscape around him.  Covered in a foot of snow, just outside the picture – are the snowflakes buried deep that he failed to capture.  In the drifted snow laid billions of melting masterpieces never to be seen in detail like those seen through a microscope.  Were they still beautiful if no one saw them or regarded their beauty?  Was God still glorified by these unseen and hidden snowflakes?   Was it really a shame that their beauty went unseen by human eyes, as Mr. Bentley stated?

When I expressed these and other similar thoughts to my friend, Sarah, she shared with me a favorite quote from a book she had been reading, Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton: 

It is possible that God says every morning, “Do it again” to the sun; and every evening, “Do it again” to the moon.  It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them.

 

…but has never got tired of making them.  All these beautiful, individual snowflakes falling beautifully formed, unseen by nearly all and – simply falling according to the will of our Father only to melt and water the earth. 

He is sometimes the only eye to behold their beauty and function because He wants it that way.    

And in a way, aren’t our lives a little like the snowflakes that aren’t seen by the microscope or photographed for all to see – the snowflakes that simply fall, according to the will of our Father,  join with other snowflakes, and melt to water the earth? 

Beautiful, redeemed lives… mostly unseen individually, except by our Father’s loving eyes, we join together with other beautifully redeemed lives with the simple purpose of  glorifying God.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10).  

 

Photo credits:

http://snowflakebentley.com/02c.gif

Bridge in snowfall from: http://weblogs.wpix.com/sports/thehuddle/olympic_games

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The Weight of the Words

By Niki Deutsch

I once had a pair of cheap shoes that I wore a lot longer than I should have.  At one point, there was a rip in the canvas top, the support was long gone, and – they were really stinky.

I’m not sure why I kept this particular pair of shoes when I had several other newer, more comfortable, supportive shoes that didn’t stink.  One reason might be that my new shoes required a little bit more effort to get them on – I couldn’t just slip my foot in the new shoes.  My old pair had been so easy to slide into when I wanted to quickly run out to get the mail, or check on my kids outside.  Sometimes, I’d forget I was wearing them, and get trapped in the car with my stinky shoes.  It was especially bad when anyone else was trapped in my car with me.  At those moments I’d wonder why I don’t toss those old, unsupportive, stinky shoes out.

There is an aspect of life that can be like wearing those stinky shoes – something that’s easy to slip into and difficult to toss out of my life:

Legalism.

I catch legalism sneaking into my subconscious – prompting me to respond to my inability to perfectly follow the law with more striving!  Work harder!  Have I done enough to earn His favor?  Are the scales tipping in my favor yet?  I can have a freeing encounter with Jesus just a few days prior, and still can find myself there again – striving, measuring, and stressing out.

I slip on the easy, stinky shoe of legalism quite by accident.  I’d like to say, “Hey, I can’t help it!  I’m a “first-born”!  It’s my natural instinct to demand justice – payment for sin or points earned for good deeds.  But, unfortunately, it’s probably only my prideful, sinful side refusing (again) to receive His free gift of Grace, that none should boast (Ephesians 2:8-9).  Living in legalism is a hard way to live – this pattern of using a scale to measure my “goodness” or my holiness – a constant striving.

When I find myself in this place, I wonder why don’t I toss out this foolish way of thinking?

Sometimes, it seems easier to put on the old, rather than the new.

How often do I measure and strive, strive and measure forgetting His Yoke is easy and His burden is light?  

This life of learning to live in freedom and rest is a little like putting on my new and better shoes.  In doing that lighter work of submitting my life to the LORD, I am completely supported by The One who really can bridge the gap between where I am and where I should be.  I need to do the light, easy work, so I can rest.

Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest.  Come to me and rest from all the striving to save yourself.  Put on the new shoes so your feet are fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  The gospel of peace…the work has been done.

And yet…Jesus does call us to “be perfect, perfect as I am” (Matthew 5:48).   So what do we do?  Our acts of righteousness are like filthy rags in the sight of God.   We cannot measure up to His perfection, no matter how hard we try.  We need His Mercy and Grace!

Aah…His beautiful Grace! 

I love Out Of The Gray’s song: “The Weight of the Words”.   If you have a chance to listen to the actual song, I recommend it.  The beautiful lyrics reveal how we can still rest – not struggle so hard, while obeying His commands – even if imperfectly.

“The Weight of the Words” by Out Of The Gray

Sitting at the table in a kitchen conversation
You spilled the words you read just yesterday
He said, “Be perfect, perfect as I am”
“How can this be done,” you ask, “when every time I try to be
Someone with such a mastery, I see how weak I am?”
I said, “See the sweet dichotomy
Mercy mirrored in the face of impossibility”

The weight of the words
Can crush you, they can break you
Or they can heal and they can take you to the throne of grace
The weight of the words
Will lead you like a beacon
When your strength is finally beaten by the weight of the words

And so the constant struggle to remind each other of the fact
That the rest is easy on the shoulders of the One who came
To pay for what we lack
Now our welcome burden is to strive with humble gratitude
We cannot take lightly what He carried on His back
Can you feel the gravity
Compelling mystery
Life for those who will believe

The weight of the words
Can crush you they can break you
Or they can heal and they can take you
To the throne of grace
The weight of the words
Will lead you like a beacon
When your strength is finally beaten by the weight of the words

The rest is easy
His rest is easy
Are you weary?

Can you hear the words that lift the burden?
Do you feel the gravity?
Compelling mystery -
Life for those who will believe

The weight of the words
Can crush you they can break you
Or they can heal and they can take you to the throne of grace
The weight of the words
Will lead you like a beacon
When your strength is finally beaten by the weight of the words

 

 

Image credit:

http://streetsci.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/sneakers.jpg?w=170&h=122

Each month our Friday posts centre around a particular issue. This month of August we are focussing on the topic of rest.

 

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Magnify

By Niki Deutsch

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” Ephesians 6:14 – 17

 

Images of valiant Christian warriors and knights are conjured up in our imagination at the reading of this passage.  It is the image of our spiritual state of battle, if we are properly garbed.   It is a good image.

Yet, lately, I’ve been wondering if perhaps in my own life, I have added an extra “tool” to this picture.  For example, a magnifying glass.

Now, I realize I’m kind of wrecking the valiant knight image.  Where one would put this tool, I’m not sure.  Perhaps it could be added to the helmet as a visor option, or tied to the wrist for a quick grip of the hand when in need.  Our valiant knight image might end up looking like a cross between Sir Lancelot and the Nutty Professor when it’s all said and done.  You know what I mean…odd.  Not fierce at all.  Looking like we don’t really do what we’re meant to do.

I believe the reason I cannot think of a terrific way to carry it, is because we would need to hold it – and that would interrupt our shield work (defending against the flaming arrows of our enemy) and our sword work (wielding the Word of God).

 

Prior to the invention of the magnifying glass, to magnify meant “to speak or act for the glory or honor (of someone or something),” – to glorify.  Then after the invention, it took on more meanings, such as: to increase or be increased in apparent size…to make a small thing larger…to exaggerate…

Hmmmm…to exaggerate?  I think I do that.  A lot.  Sometimes just in my mind, sometimes out loud.

But really, the questions I have to ask myself are these:  What am I focusing on?  Am I making big the things that aren’t?  Am I concerned with the scuff marks or chinks in my armor that make it seem as if I am not qualified for battle?  Or am I becoming prideful over the shinier areas?  In other words…am I navel gazing?

Or other just as troubling ways of magnifying – am I focused on my neighbor’s armor and compare it with my own – or my ability compared to another’s?  Do I magnify my enemies as they taunt?  They look awfully frightening through a magnifying glass.

Perhaps I can work on a better way of magnifying with these questions:

Is my soul turned toward God to speak or act for His glory or honor?   Is my heart remembering Who He is?  Am I gazing at Him and what He calls good?

If I am properly focused, I magnify the Lord – without a magnifying glass.  He doesn’t need me to magnify Him, because He’s already magnificent.  Yet…I do, because when my eyes are turned to Him I can’t help myself.

My soul doth magnify the Lord.

I am more likely to go about life valiantly speaking and acting to the Glory of God in this world when I look more closely at Him than at anything else.  All the other concerns I would have dwelt on become – unimportant.

A challenge for those of us who tend to magnify unimportant things:  when we catch ourselves magnifying the Enemy during an attack, or magnifying our neighbor’s or our own character flaws, etc…let’s stop – and intentionally drop the magnifying glass, pick up the sword or the shield (whichever one we dropped to navel gaze again) and turn our eyes toward Our Maker.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  (Philippians 4:8)

Everything comes into proper perspective when our eyes are fixed on what or Who is truly worth magnifying.

Picture Credit:

www.discoveriesinmedicine.com/images/mdis_0000_0003_0_img0101.jpg

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You Will Come Like The Rain

By Niki Deutsch

As I write this, the day is rainy and gray.  It has been raining for a day and a half, but already I am missing the sunlight.  It feels, in the middle of a rainy stretch, as if I’ll never see the sun again!  Yet I know all this rain leads to sunshine, lush green grass and fragrant flowering trees – so I don’t think I’ll complain very much.

While going about my day, glancing out the window every now and then, I go back in my mind to those periods of spiritual dryness where I wondered if it was destined that I live in that dry desert forever.  That arid place where I begin to stall or settle in, thinking I may as well get used to it – this is just what it is.  Forever.

Then His mercy comes like the rain…and once again, I have a renewed hope for whatever it is he is leading me towards.

There is a favorite song of mine by Misty Edwards, My Soul Longs for You.  She sings believing He is coming like the rain.  She cries out to God, “It’s just a matter of time – You’re going to turn it around!”

It’s just a matter of time before His mercy pours out – even as we wonder: Will I ever see evidence of His mercy again?  Will my heart be soft again?  Will I sense His love again?

He is so faithful.  “Hallelujah, hallelujah – You’ll make all things new…”

Jesus, in your mercy, come like the rain over the dry desert parts of our lives.  Oh, how we need it!  So let it rain…

Picture Credit:

http://erusyako.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/rain.jpg

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This Thorn

By Niki Deutsch

This month of May, on each Friday, the Completely Devoted Blog will be turning our attention to a very common thorn in the flesh that many, if not most of us, suffer from.

This particular thorn, if it is not immediately brought to the Lord in search of “The Grace that is sufficient for you”, can so easily cause moments of anguish.  Sometimes, depending on the depth of thorn and the resolve of the Believer, it can cause hours, even days of despair.

It is a shape-shifter, seemingly changing its way of showing up.  Just when you think you’re “over it” – it makes a surprise appearance in a new outfit and haircut, just to see you…like a long-lost – well… enemy.

It is so sneaky that to do battle with it often means mumbling something like  Next time I’ll…”  But truly – you don’t mumble anything until after you’ve first awakened to realize you’ve just had your butt kicked – again.  It is the hardest thing I have yet to conquer, and the thing I least like to see in me.  It is…

Insecurity.

Insecurity in all shapes and sizes can make us otherwise steady and Christ-exalting women tremble in our boots with an unreasonable fear of man.  It can even, if combined with shame, bring a woman (such as me) into such gut wrenching emotional pain from the thoughts circling around in her mind, that she closes herself off.  I do not want to go to church today…I just don’t want to face all the people who might not like me.

Insecurity withholds.  When I struggle with insecurity I withhold love. I’ll stop myself from reaching out to an acquaintance or stranger, fearing my words will be misunderstood.  In church, I’ll see a visitor or new member standing alone and only give a wave of “hello” while dodging past – all the while hearing the whisper of “Talk to them!”  Once upon a time, I was a person who’d talk to anyone, unafraid – but insecurity and fear of not pleasing people has crept in and grown into this nasty, thorny weed, often crowding out the desire to be bold.  Fear often trips up any desire to do the things that show My Heavenly Father I love Him.  What if I fail or accidentally offend someone with my good intentions?

In the last few years the Lord has gently been revealing how deep my insecurities lie and how it is truly a wretched sin.  Sometimes in quiet moments, I’d see pictures revealed – small moments, really, of myself seeking attention or longing to be thought well of by those around me – drinking in the praise of others like sugar-water.  And, oh, my list of insecurities goes on!

I have seen it in how I interact with family, how I respond as a worship leader, and how for years God has put a group of people on my mind to minister to, but insecurity has put up road blocks in every direction.  (How many more dreams of this ministry must He give me before I am bold enough to be obedient?)

But I will not be dismayedHe who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it in me.  One day very soon, I will overcome.  I can sense it like a change in the weather as from winter to spring.  It is a hopeful feeling.  It is the sensation of the lifting of the head, chin set like flint that says: I am ready to wage a war.  And, as John Piper often encourages: I am ready to take on a war-time mentality toward this sin.  If it hinders me from obeying and loving God with my whole heart or loving others, I must wage war against it.

Oh, how I love to hear, and how I’m longing to hear My Savior in the written voices of my fellow bloggers as we consider this subject.  I know they will bring exhortations with Truth, Wisdom and Compassion – they who along with you and I are also working to overcome insecurity, whatever form it takes.

And, we will overcome…


Each month, our Friday posts center around a particular issue. This month we are focusing on dealing with insecurity.

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Remembering

By Niki Deutsch

My mind has been spinning lately.

It usually functions like a room full of paper and an oscillating wind machine.  Not just a fan, mind you – a wind machine.  All my thoughts, emotions, facts, and ideas are frantically swirling around…and occasionally, I grab a piece of paper from this room that actually has what I need to remember.  You get the idea.

So, when my friend encouraged me to keep a journal of the things God was saying to me in His Word or things I heard in the Holy Spirit’s whisperings – I thought it was a GREAT idea!

The trouble is…I’ve tried journaling before – many times.  Last year, after purging some of our belongings, I discovered I possessed more than 20 journals of varying colors and themes.  Each had only one or two entries in them (if that) and each started with the same goal in mind – to record and to remember the things pertaining to Jesus and The Word.  “Why, surely this intellectual and weathered-looking journal will inspire me to write and remember faithfully!”

Or not…

The same thing happens with address books, prayer journals, and life planners.  They all smell so new and so clean!  Their pages are so fresh and so full of hope!  I can’t help but buy them to organize my wind blown mind!

So, I tried again.

This time, it lasted a few months.  It wasn’t daily, mind you, but it was happening.  I began to see themes and underlying issues.  I could go back and re-read what I’d written.  It was a new thing for me!

…and, then I stopped.  Again.

It’s been about two months since I last wrote.  I actually miss it.  I miss having the solid thing in my hands – the “THIS IS WHAT I’M TELLING YOU” words from God.  I keep hearing themes racing by, whirling by, and dancing by. I hear whispers of Wisdom that would benefit me if I could only remember them.

Wasn’t God always telling the Israelites to remember?

“Remember when I…(fill in the blank).”  Usually, if they didn’t remember God’s ways or what He’d done, they ended up following after idols.

“No sooner had Gideon died than the Israelites again prostituted themselves to the Baals. They set up Baal-Berith as their god and did not remember the LORD their God, who had rescued them from the hands of all their enemies on every side.”

Judges 8:33-34 

I don’t want to wake up one day and realized I’ve been following after idols or other gods.  Like the god of my stomach (Phil. 3:18-20).  My heavenly Father wants me to remember His ways and what He’s done, too.  He wants me to be kingdom focused.

So I think I will pick up my journal again today.  I am going to (stop, take a deep breath) – begin to write down (again) the things He tells me about His Love, His Son, and His Way; the things I have learned during this Lenten season; the things I am learning from the melting snow – so similar is my heart to this muddy season of revealing, the muck and yuck right before the bursting of Life!

So, let the rest of my thoughts of daily needs or responsibilities, facts and feelings swirl around with the wind machine.  Today, I think I will read His Word and lay hold of the things He shows me. I am purposing to hold on (for dear life) to the One who brings me Life.

And, as I write it down and remember, maybe (oh, I hope!) I will react with my physical body as well – with my eyes and my mouth, with my hands and my feet – to the Love of God in Christ Jesus – worship in the form of obedience to the One I love.

If you enjoyed Niki’s post today, you may also enjoy Beholding His Glory and Greatness by Teri Wetzel.

Photo credit: http://www.theartzoo.com/pictures/books/handbound-leather-journal-06.jpg

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