By Mary Bea Miller
Whenever we screw up our courage enough to step out of our comfort zone towards another human being, chances are that we won’t have to wait long for one of the parties to notice something is not quite right in the actions or attitudes of the other.
In Britain this event might pass unmentioned.
In America this would more likely be addressed in a form resembling ‘a bull in a china shop’, unless you have friends who walk more in the culture of the Kingdom of God than the culture of the nation in which they were brought up.
And since we are all endeavoring to do just that, we all need a response based on the heart of God, as expressed in His Word.
As a new Believer, I was part of a church where fault-finding was seemingly elevated to the status of a TREASURE HUNT. Anytime anyone noticed something perhaps not quite right in someone else, it was reported to the leaders who would then call you in to a “meeting.”
Instead of provoking one another to love and godliness, this resulted in everyone hiding behind the most spiritual masks they could find, so as to get invited to as few “meetings” as possible!
At the meetings, inevitably the Scriptural basis for it would be Eph 4:15 but it was never quoted in its context. Chances are that this partial verse, sharpened into a dagger, may have been used as a weapon against you once or twice as well.
But the whole of it tells a very different and very beautiful story!
And He gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the Head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (ESV)
I love the way this verse puts our personal relationships into the larger context of being part of God’s divine plan of building the church, right along with the gifted leaders.
The Greek word used here is the same one that Jesus used in John 14:6 when He said,
“I am the Way, the TRUTH, and the Life…”
In no way can this be construed to refer to anyone’s honest opinion or true feelings. This is THE TRUTH!! God’s Truth! Not merely the way I feel, the way we do things around here, or the way my mama raised me.
Next, if you look up the word used for “love,” it pretty much nails it. It is, of course, ‘AGAPE.’ Perfect, unconditional, divine love.
So not only is this verse NOT grounds for telling someone how they hurt my feelings, it is a relationship recipe, divided into two parts: “NO LONGER…” and “RATHER…”
NO LONGER: Any time we ‘FEEL’ the need to tell someone how they hurt our ‘FEELINGS’ that should be an alarm to us that our ship is being directed by arbitrary waves and wind, like a child who only knows and sees what is immediate, totally driven by the feelings of the moment, selfish, no larger context, unable to see past the current desire, fear, anger, hurt, etc.
RATHER: Grow up. Speak the TRUTH because you are motivated by PERFECT LOVE for one another.
We cannot call our honest opinion ‘God’s Truth’, and we must never be too eager to justify our own feelings at someone else’s expense.
Just a thought, but you know, it doesn’t actually say in the verse that the “speaking” is to another person. What if it doesn’t refer at all to us sharing something with another person? What if it is an encouragement to us to speak the TRUTH to OURSELVES?
………just a thought……….
Each month, our Friday posts centre around dealing with a particular issue. This month we are considering how to tame our tongues.
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