Category Archives: Building Kingdom Friendships

By Faith Rawley

‘As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend’ – Proverbs 27:17

Proverbs 27 contains this short but profound verse of wisdom about the quality of true friendship.  Now I don’t know much about sharpening iron so in trying to understand this verse and how it relates to friendship, I did what any normal person would do and ‘Googled’ sharpening iron.

Here’s a definition I found:

Sharpening is the process of creating or refining a sharp edge of appropriate shape on a tool or implement designed for cutting.  It is done by grinding away material on the implement with an abrasive substance, followed sometimes by processes to polish the sharp surface to increase smoothness.

We probably all have friendships that are based on common interests and we probably have people in our lives that are just fun to be with – the kinds of people we can really let our hair down with.  But then there are those friendships of a really deep substance.  People you can trust, be vulnerable with and those you know will speak the truth into your life.  I believe these are the kinds of friends that Proverbs is talking about.

A friend who sharpens you is someone who refines you.

We’re all on a journey of progressively being sanctified and purified to be more like Jesus.  A Proverbs 27 friend is someone who helps you along the process of purification. One of my very close friends demonstrated this ability to refine a few years ago.   At a time when I was hiding unhealthy habits in my life, she lovingly pointed out my negative thinking.  She didn’t let me carry on covering up impurity because she cared so much about seeing me set free into purity and wholeness.

The process of being refined can sometimes mean pointing out the bad or the negative stuff that’s going on.  But it can also mean pointing people towards the glory that God has deposited within them.  Instead of always focusing on the areas that may be falling short of glory, we can encourage people to live up to the standard of glory that God has for us.  Romans 3:23 says, ‘For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God’.  But it doesn’t stop there!  The very next verse says, ‘And all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus’.  Philippians 4:8 says, ‘Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.’  A friend who keeps you accountable is someone who points you towards the truth about who you are in Christ and reminds you of those things that are noble and good and true in your life, so that you focus on living out those attributes rather than falling into the trap of impure ways of living.

A friend who sharpens you can often be described as ‘grinding.’

I’ve had lots of people over the course of my life that I would describe as being ‘grinding.’  Living with people is often where we see this occurring the most.  Without friction and occasional tension in our lives between people, we can often stay as we are and never change.  But true friendship should involve times of annoyance, challenge and even irritation.  It’s how we deal with it and how we respond to it that makes the difference.  Conflict or ‘abrasion’ is more often than not an opportunity to look and see what needs to change in us, rather than what needs to change in the other person.  As bad attitudes or wrong ways of thinking come to the surface we have a chance to bring any hurts or brokenness that may be causing the reaction, to Jesus for Him to heal.

A friend who sharpens will polish you and increase your smoothness.

Every now and then I notice that my rings start getting dull and a bit scuffed looking so I’ll go and get them cleaned at the jewelers.  After being buffered and cleaned they come back so sparkly and shiny and I love looking at the way they better reflect the light.  We all get a bit scuffed up, dull, and worn looking from time to time.  But true friends will be those people who help to bring you back to a place of shininess, so that you can more effectively reflect the light of God.  Words of encouragement, speaking the truth, showing love and affection are some of the ways this can be done.

The process of iron sharpening is often used in the creation of swords.  The effectiveness of a sword is dependent upon how firm, strong, flexible and balanced it is.  As we allow ourselves to be sharpened by the people that we trust in our lives we become more firm, strong, flexible and balanced.  Let us be, iron-sharpening, sword-producing friends to those around us and make sure we find people who will do the same for us.

Each month, our Friday posts center around a particular issue. This month we are focusing on Building Kingdom Friendships.

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